As you know, this hits home with me.

I love the kick-off paragraph:

“A Justice Department-led task force reviewing interrogation policy is leaning toward the creation of a small, specialized unit drawing personnel from intelligence, military and law enforcement agencies to question without the use of coercion any future high-value terrorism suspects captured by the United States, according to administration officials.”

So, the Department of Justice will now be leading interrogations of
high value targets of military importance. Oh, and these
“interrogations” will happen “without the use of coercion.” Yeah,
good luck with that! Here’s an exclusive look into the future:

Justice Department: Mohammed, where did you get your weapons?
Mohammed: Go to hell
JD: Well, now calm down. We’re not those run-of-the-mill military
meanies, you can trust us. Just tell me where you got the weapons.
Mohammed: Go to hell.
JD: Ok, let’s try something else. Would you like some coffee?
Mohammed: Go to hell.
JD: Hmmm. Maybe we got off on the wrong foot. Where were you born?
Mohammed: Go to hell.

At this point the JD official gets a little upset, but manages to hold
himself together a bit longer.
JD: Where were you planning to attack the United States next?
Mohammed: Go to hell.
JD: Why won’t you talk to me? I’m your friend. I work with the
Obama Administration.
Mohammed: Go to hell.
JD: Okay, well I guess I have no choice, but to…
Mohammed: Go to hell.
JD:…let you go.
Mohammed: *grins* Have a nice day, infidel!

“An administration official said it has yet to be determined which specific interrogation techniques might be allowed and how new, non-coercive techniques might be developed. Administration officials spoke on the condition of anonymity because the task force has not yet reported to the president and because its deliberations are private.”

I’d like to make a few recommendations based on my years of experience in this field:

1) The pop-tarts and cream cheese croissant approach. If the detainee won’t talk, just eat pop-tarts and cream cheese croissants in front of him until he cracks. Watch the calories. This may take awhile.
2) The eyelash batting approach. The interrogator can star forelornly at the detainee and bat his/her eyelashes repeatedly. A more aggressive approach would utilize fake eyelashes!
3) Breastfeeding approach. The interrogator breastfeeds while asking questions, hoping this will throw off the detainees concentration.
4) Good cop, better cop approach. Kill him with kindness. The detainee will be so sickened by the unashamed attempts to be the nicest interrogator that he’ll spill the beans just hopeing to get it over with. This would work well with the pop-tarts and cream cheese croissant approach!
5) Caribbean cruise approach. Who says that all interrogations have to take place on dry land in a windowless building? Take the guy on a nice cruise and he’s bound to talk!
6) Swine flu approach. Send in an interrogator with the swine flu. Nuff said.
7) Marriage proposal approach. The interrogator can offer up one of his/her daughters in exchange for information.
8 ) Swedish massage approach. Instead of just questioning the detainee, give him/her a massage. If the information leads to the identification of a foiled terrorist plot, happy endings for all!

Anyway the unit should be awesome! Naturally, the administration noted that “based on where things stand now, the CIA isn’t slated to be the lead on whatever plan is put into place.” Phsaw! Why would ANYONE in their right mind put an agency in charge who only does this sort of thing for a living and has buttloads of experience?! That would just be dumb!