A SOLDIER'S PERSPECTIVE
THE WEB'S LEADING MILITARY BLOG SINCE 2004
“Ooooh, that’s pretty harsh, CJ.”
Yes it is but I can’t tell you how distressing it is to get emails and comments from folks that tell me they’ve been sending letters and care packages only to get crickets in return.
When I was deployed, I MADE time to respond to each and ever letter or care package I received. Sometimes, that response was a simple, “Thank you so much for your letter. I’ll try to find time to write more later.” Sometimes, I was able to write detailed responses expressing my gratitude. But, I made sure that every person that went out of their way to send me a personal token of their patriotism and support knew that I appreciated it.
I realize that most people who send letters and care packages don’t ask for anything in return. However, I don’t think ONE person could tell me that they wouldn’t appreciate at least a sign that their letters are being received and/or read.
It is a pathetically selfish Service Member that doesn’t have the decency to send a note of thanks to the patriots across this country who take time to remember those of us putting our lives on the line each and every day. It’s not like it’s an expensive endeavor. Deployed service members get to mail letters free of charge, so postage cost is no excuse. It doesn’t make sense that we can’t send a free letter in response to one that someone had to pay postage for out of the generosity of their own hearts.
If you are one of those people who are sending letters and care packages and have been doing so over a period of months without reply, my advice to you is to find someone else to support. Obviously, the person you are writing to is using you for your generosity and doesn’t have the decency to take 2-3 minutes out of his BS time to show any appreciation. I mean this sincerely. We are not so busy that we cannot take a moment to jot down at least a “Thank You” and stick it in an envelope.
On the other hand, I would also counsel those sending letters to understand that it may be a few weeks before you get a response. There are many reasons for this, one of them being the slow mail system getting out of the combat zone. The other is that, quite frequently, Soldiers are send to remote locations for a period of weeks on patrol or some other mission and may not be able to send or receive mail. That is why I say that you should a few months before getting frustrated, but no more than about 2-3. Some Soldiers simply don’t deserve your kindness. I’m just not afraid to say it.
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SK
Great post! And thank you. I’m one of those who has been sending things on a regular basis for years. I don’t always hear from those I support, nor do I expect to! BUT, when someone claims to be your friend and requests things that’s a different story. I sent a ton of stuff to one person, at their request, only to have them completely blow me off. Excuses are just that, excuses. I know from experience that deployed guys are busy, but if you have the time to ask someone to send things, then MAKE the time to let them know you appreciate their efforts. If you can’t take 2 minutes to let them know you’re ok and to thank them, do not continue to say you are their friend. You’re not, you’re just a user.
MH
Thanks CJ..I know where that came from!
I did hear from her after you contacted her, via e-mail. Like you said, we don’t EXPECT a thank you, but it would be nice to know that packages are getting there and that we’re sending what is needed. Also important to know when to stop shipping so we don’t waste valuable postage money!
CJ
MH, actually, it came from many different emails I’ve received. I didn’t intend to single anyone out. It’s really an “if the shoe fits” accusation.
sue05
Great post CJ! I too am one of those people who have supported for years. It is very frustrating to write letter after letter or send monthly care packages and never hear from that Soldier. When you sign up to do it, you are told not to expect anything and that you are committed till that soldier’s deployment ends, so you know going into it. But I do agree, they could take the time to at least say hi or thanks.
A lot of the guys that I wrote to have asked me if I hear from the guys I support. When I tell them I’ve had several that never wrote back they say the same thing that CJ said. There’s always a few minutes to say thank you, no one is THAT busy that they cant.
So that leaves you torn between your sense of commitment and your frustration and depression over being ignored and even used in some cases. If you support long enough, everyone has at least one horror story.
But even so, I would encourage everyone to support in some way. The guys I have had the privilege to support have changed my life and given me things that don’t fit into care packages or letters. It has been an incredible experience that I wouldnt have changed any part of.
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LL
I stopped supporting strangers. Now, I only do friends so I can hound them in email (without guilt on my part) about whether they got the box. Although I will say this…when I say they’re my friends, they know me well enough to know it’s just better to answer my questions than suffer my cranky “how rude are you??” haha
I do appreciate you putting this up, CJ. We are 9 years into these 2 wars. After 9 years, you get burnt out, especially if you feel that every single box and dollar spent was a total waste because you have not one clue whether anything was enjoyed, appreciated, used, or just stolen on its way between your house and the front.
Cass
I wrote my response below before seeing yours and I laughed, I got to the same point. Support friends. But I do have to say that some of them were strangers first. It’s not fatigue on my part, it’s money to mail the goods, I have a living room full of stuff, but no money. I need to get it over to the Reserve Center, or simply to the mission when my husband comes home on leave (he’ll be thrilled LOL). I did the stamped post cards, etc too, and I didn’t get one back. But some guys were so giving of themselves, they’d go to the markets in Iraq, or pick up stuff on leave in Israel or Germany or wherever, it was quite touching. The women wrote back far more often, but I have to say, one response I treasure a bit more than others is from a stranger who remains a stranger, and it was written with what looked like charcoal, in bad grammar, poor spelling, and pure gratitude. So I don’t regret the time and money, though my husband growls at the debt, because some people really did appreciate what they were sent.
seaurchin
CJ, this has become such a sore issue for some of us long time supporters.
One support site suggests sending a self addressed envelope & paper or postcard along with your package so that it is easier for the recipient to respond. Heck, I’ve even sent a bag of pens as well! What do I get in return? Not a damn thing all too many times. You can’t tell me that any service member is so busy that they can’t open the bag of pens, write “Thank you for the package. Sincerely, Joe”, on the provided paper, stuff it in the envelope, lick it shut, and put it in the mail drop or whatever. 30 seconds. If they have time to open a package, they have time to say thank you. I think the sites that tell supporters not to expect a response are doing a bit of a dis-service to all involved.
You always hear soldiers say we’ll never know much packages mean to them. I submit they will never now how much a stoopid little THANK YOU means to their supporters! It makes the hours of shopping, sewing, letter writing, or whatever worth it!
Cass
I sent packaged routinely for 6 years, I averaged a dozen a week, all donations form people in my department, occasionally cash for postage, but mostly books, magazines, and about 1 in 5 brought food and snacks. I always included a letter with just talk about what’s going on at home, or commenting on why I sent whatI sent. I’d say I heard back from at best 1 in 20. Now, a lot of those are good friends now, real friends. I didn’t try and think selfishly, a simple thank you or hi would have been enough. One of the guys that did respond a lot started sending ME stuff from Afgh. Then I stopped sending to anyone in Afgh unless I knew they were in certain places after this friend advised me that a warehouse at KAF was full of care packages because they couldn’t be delivered- either too dangerous or no aircraft. Now I send an occasional one to places where I have an 80% chance of knowing they’ll get it, and the last 4 in an easily accessible area didn’t make it. So sadly, since this friend is coming home, I’m done.
And your image isn’t shot, BTW. Only if you let it be.