I’m going to take advantage of the current surge in attention to address the important topic of PTSD.

Most people with PTSD try to avoid admitting that they suffer from it. There are those that try and use it to get away with wrongs, but those people are easy to spot and identify. Most Soldiers still wish to serve in spite of PTSD. We refuse to allow the label to define us. I refuse to allow the label to define me.

I started writing about PTSD because I wanted others to learn from my mistakes, the first of which was pretending everything was okay. I never sought out attention, special privileges, or any leeway in my job. I continue to demand that I be treated like everyone else and I have been obliged. Most Soldiers feel that way. We didn’t ask for this unwanted gift. I wanted to express to anyone within earshot what we go through in fighting the battles within. I’m adamant that Soldiers committing crimes should be held accountable regardless of a diagnosis of PTSD – including me! As long as the process is fair and impartial, I will always welcome scrutiny and discipline.

As a trained interrogator, there is way to determine to a great extent the guilt or innocence of someone. It is not a surefire method, but it’s mostly true in almost all cases. Criminal investigators will ask suspects a simple question to which the answer is very telling. Let’s take the case of a hit and run suspect. The investigator may ask, “what do you think should be the punishment for someone that commits a hit and run?” Typically, the innocent will respond with something like, “I think they should be locked up for life and have the key thrown away!” The guilty may say, “well it depends on the circumstances,” or “I think they should be given a warning because [insert excuse].” Let me spell this out easily: if I have committed a crime, throw the book at me!

Thankfully, I’m a very centered person and don’t put much weight behind the opinions of others that don’t know me. Heck, I don’t care much for the opinions of most that DO! I’ve learned not to rely on most people over the years. I recognize and understand that there is a lot of misinformation out there about PTSD, some of it being propagated and disseminated by writers that pretend to understand it. So, I refuse to let those people get to me. Those who know me, know the truth about my abilities, my capabilities, my mental state, my leadership abilities, my competence, my heart, and my motives. I know that my words are being used against me. I fundamentally believe that people can conquer and overcome. Resilience is not just a pretty word on a poster or business card. PTSD is not the end of life as we know it.

I’m not going to recap things I’ve already said, but if new readers to this site REALLY want to understand PTSD, please check out a few blogs I’ve written about my journey over the years. Feel free to read these links in the hopes that you better understand what our troops are dealing with.

http://militarygear.com/asp/2011/07/10/the-demons-of-war-are-persistent/
*http://militarygear.com/asp/2010/09/17/when-depression-takes-over/
*http://militarygear.com/asp/2010/09/20/when-depression-takes-over-part-ii/
http://militarygear.com/asp/2010/03/05/medicated-into-oblivion/
*http://militarygear.com/asp/2009/12/25/coping-with-the-stigma/
*http://militarygear.com/asp/2009/12/26/dealing-and-coping-part-ii/
http://militarygear.com/asp/2009/10/07/get-your-hands-off-my-ptsd/
http://militarygear.com/asp/2009/09/23/cleaning-out-my-closet/
*http://militarygear.com/asp/2009/09/18/the-power-of-seeking-help/
*http://militarygear.com/asp/2009/08/13/suicide-solution-is-no-solution/
http://militarygear.com/asp/2009/07/29/why-me/
*http://militarygear.com/asp/2009/07/25/inner-resistance-or-dont-forget-the-families/

I’m not afraid of my PTSD. I control it, it doesn’t control me. Don’t feel sorry for me as I don’t want pity. The ones in bold are more highly recommended reading [update: for some reason it's bolding every link, so I just put an asterisk next to the ones I meant to highlight]. I don’t write these posts to puff myself up, secure sympathy, or receive some sort of benefit. If you know someone with PTSD, please share with them to help them get better.

Feel however you wish to feel about me and my PTSD, but do NOT use the same tactics with other troops. The last time a writer pushed a Soldier with PTSD, according to that writer, as hard as he is now, the Soldier felt alone, attacked, helpless, defenseless and committed suicide.