A SOLDIER'S PERSPECTIVE
THE WEB'S LEADING MILITARY BLOG SINCE 2004
America, I gave you my soul in 1991. I didn’t know it then that I would receive a psycho-social and spiritual wound that not even I could see. Of late we have heard much on the common symptoms of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD in the media and the soldier or veteran, you won’t hear me talk about that much. I deal mostly in the chronic nature of Combat PTSD and it’s many flavors and identities as it relates to me. I’m all about talking about the mental, physical, social and spiritual aspects of where going to combat can take us.
Along with the mental health issues where I perform the equivalence of aerial acrobatics in a paper airplane with an elephant pilot. Yeah, go read that again. I have recently started taking a new anti-depressant, Lexapro to help with the seasonal depression which buffers the chronic depression this last year. Since I have a “sensitivity” to such medications I get the distinction of trying novel and ‘off label’ usage of medications. Or I get to be first again, leading the way with taking new medications where hundreds of thousands of veterans will go!
The year 2011 was a year of grieving and mourning; I went into an inpatient PTSD program in Memphis, TN. Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) is a tremendous tool I was able to learn and apply to novel ways of processing my war trauma. Long story short, I was able to reconcile and mourn 5 marine deaths. In doing so it unblocked a flood of mourning for my grandmother, mother, father and friends who had died since 1991. The year 2011 was the year I took my soul back.
Other symptoms of the Combat PTSD Veteran? Toxic levels of stress hormones and chemicals in the body can cause muscle and nerve damage over years from constant flooding of the body. Stomach ulcers, acid re-flux and chronic bowel problems. Then there are the side effects from the medications starting with erectile dysfunction to treat chronic PTSD and the depression that goes with it (I take 9, down from 15 two years ago). If you or a loved one is not on top of your medications they can kill you!
Speaking of family and loved ones. We have the propensity to push everyone away and many of us will alienate the people we need the most. Combined with a sense of loss of community, no wonder we are still loosing veterans at a rate of 18 a day. I have the gift of hindsight for all the good it does me in repairing some relationships, if I can manage to keep dodging those land mines! Yeah, the flashbacks. We don’t talk about those for two reasons; one because they scare the hell out of us and two, most of us don’t have the language to describe it (I do, drop me a line).
Keep coming back,
Scott
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Cindy
Wow Scott..it is great to have you writing again! I hope writing helps you as much as it does me. (being selfish here) Honestly, I learn something each time I read what you share. I have learned more from what you share these past years than anything else I have read and I have read everything I can get my hands on. Although I can never feel your pain, I am greatful that you have shared a part of you to help others cope and understand the chronic nature of PTSD and its effects. Love you, my friend. Thank you for sharing and glad to have you back wriing again.
hugs,
Cindy
Scott Lee
Thank you Cindy, it feels good to be writing again. I have several projects I am working on like always, and will continue to shed light on life and experiences so that others may have a path to follow. Thank you for being a longtime reader.
Pingback: Combat PTSD: A Psycho-Social and Spiritual Wound | The Armory
CombatGoldfish
2011 was a horrible year for me as well. However, it didn’t seem to get any better. Glad to see that CPT worked for a fellow veteran.
The media has really been focusing on PTSD lately in a bad way and automatically labeling any veteran coming back from Iraq and or Afghanistan as a threat. With the last two recent OIF veteran’s committing murder(s) and a number of Marine’s video taping disturbing activities involving detainee’s, I see the media reporting more on PTSD in a negative light. It’s nice to finally read some positive progress others have made.
I also suffer from acid re-flux and chronic bowel problems. I’m taking two pills daily for the acid re-flux, which the VA refuses to acknowledge medically other than sending me pills for it. I’ve also had chronic bowel problems through most of my deployment to Iraq and since my return back to the states. I’ve had several samples of blood taken and even a stool sample taken. They can’t seem to come up with anything.
doozer
I have been looking into articles about the uranium that was in iraq,due to some of the artillery used in the battle,they are testing all the military from both battles for uranium in their system for free by doing a urine sample.. I have read it has similar symptoms as ptsd just a little food for thought.. Have a wonderful day & may god’s peace be with you..
Scott Lee
Thank you, the media reinforces the stereotypes we battle everyday, it profoundly effects whether we seek help or kill ourselves. More veterans are killing themselves rather then getting in legal trouble.
Sounds like you need to be seen at your local Environmental Health Coordinator and the Gulf War Registry.
Jessica Davis
Hi Scott. Thank you for sharing. Post like yours will help lift the PTSD stigma & maybe more soldiers will feel empowered by being honest with themselves and have the strength to take their lives back- for themselves & their families.
Scott Lee
Thank you for reading and wanting to learn about Combat Vets Jessica, I get much of my inspiration from readers like you asking questions and supporting me by commenting and asking questions.
Jennifer
Thank you so very much for telling this part of your story. I have a friend who suffers from combat PTSD and while I’ve been researching it, hearing it from another soldier’s perspective helps me to be able to try to help him. As far as the media and their slant on PTSD and recent events, pardon my language but screw the media – they’re bought and paid for by our government. I’ll get my info. from the net anyday before going to big media. Anyway, much respect and admiration for your service and sacrifices.
Scott Lee
Jennifer, I appreciate you taking the time to let me know my words have helped. You can check out my blog at PTSD: A Soldier’s Perspective where I have many articles on Combat PTSD.